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i wonder if you're thinking of me...
i am sick with longing but i must hide it...
i hate this, i hate this, i hate this, i hate this, i hate this, i hate this, i hate this, i hate this, i hate this, i hate this, i hate this, i hate this, i hate this, i hate this, i hate this, i hate this, i hate this, i hate this, i hate this, i hate this, i hate this, i hatethis, i hate this, i hate this, i hate this, i hate this, i hate this, i hate this, i hate this, i hate this, i hate this, i hate this i hate this, i hate this, i hate this, i hate this, i hate this, i hatethis, i hate this, i hate this, i hate this, i hate this, i hate this, i hate this, i hate this, i hate this, i hate this, i hate this, i hate this, i hate this, i hate this, i hate this, i hate this, i hate this, i hate this, i hate this, i hate this, i hate this, i hate this, i hate this, i hate this, i hate this, i hate this, i hate this i hate this, i hate this, i hate this, i hate this, i hate this, i hate this, i hate this, i hate this, i hate this, i hate this, i hate this, i hate this, i hate this, i hate this, i hate this, i hate this i hate this, i hate this, i hate this, i hate this, i hate this, i hate this, i hate this, i hate this, i hate this, i hate this, i hate this, i hate this, i hate this, i hate this, i hate this, i hate this i hate this, i hate this, i hate this, i hate this, i hate this, i hate this, i hate this, i hate this, i hate this, i hate this, i hate this, i hate this, i hate this, i hate this, i hate this, i hate this, i hate this, i hate this, i hate this, i hate this, i hate this, i hate this, i hate this, i hate this, i hate this, i hate this, i hate this, i hate this, i hate this, i hate this, i hate this, i hate this
i am alone in this.
i wish i could take it all back, to repair the needle and the damage done, but i can't.
i want to say that i am forever sorry. sumimasen.
for one thousand years.
i want to breathe easier. i want to look at you without pain or fear.
i want to go outside and know that the breeze is for me
i am so tired of tv. i need people. i can't have people---they get me off track.
i long for the city, i long to bathe in the artificial light and languor of the crowds around me.
i love smog. and traffic.
if i could only touch god, the way that this does, i would die happy.
my mind is racked and broken
i search for a way out of the mess that i am all ready creating
i plot and scheme to only find in the end that my demise comes from ploting and scheming.
for some reason i feel like my life is at its' end. why is that?
i guess maybe because i feel like i've reached the final V chord.
or maybe i just listen to too much Thomas Newman. god bless you, my eternal hero.
for too long i have waited,
in the darkness of the night,
for too long i have hidden myself
my light, my incandescence glows
so i shall forge ahead,
so i shall forge ahead,
leaping to unimaginable heights
reaching for the infinite lengths
hoping for
longing for
keeping for
the sky
knowing its splendor, justified in its beauty
just as you are
just as you are
in my eyes in my perception
i wish i could write. so long.
