|
|
...And so they gave up on me.. Rightly so.
Of course I would refuse to give any one person the credit for this. You know this to be as self-evident as I. Even in the thrashing, frightfull, heaving throes of the end, that trademark pride that is always one step behind my indignant jack-assery shines through,as always, a little too late.
Years of substance abuse, poor sentence structure, and attrocious grammer ... for what?
No safety or surprise; The End
"Cleaner"
I think that feudal times would have been better.
I'm saying that the times of knights and kings and queens and all of that other over-romantisized shit would be better than now... It just seems that those were more honest times. I'm not saying that people were more honest, just that existance and life were... And cleaner; not in the lava soap sense of the word but in that things were more cut and dry. Life and death. Being and not.
Our world today allows for shades of grey; Comas, morphine, life support, prision...
Once Upon A Time killing a man meant looking into his eyes when you twisted the sword or speared his gut.
Roles were clear: "I am the King, I lead." "I am a farmer, I grow and harvest crop." More honest times when a man relied on his abilities and prowess more.
Maybe I'm just full of shit.
Approximately three years ago I'm pretty sure that I let the only girl that really loved me go, and more than likely, broke her heart. For this I am worthless. I could never ask her again. That's for her own good more than anything because I am a terrible bastard and things that I touch tend to go bad sooner or later.
I just want a woman to hold for a while. One to wrap my arms around; To inhale the intoxicating perfume of feminemity; To feel warm body heat tangled with mine creating that sense of safety; To feel needed; She needn't say that she loves me, or can't live without me, or make love to me, or even kiss me. Just to hold and be held; Perfectly normal and human for a while; A small bubble of perfection. That's all.
"So Who Really Cares"
So in keeping in step with the idea of themes, it has occured to me that resolution best describes things now. Everyone has become resolved. Some of us are resolved to lives we've chosen with quiet desparation and meaninglessness. Others choose misery. There are those of us that choose the blind eye. Others the blinders. Few people choose to no longer play the wicked game of life tossing it away like so much cardboard and dice.
Resolution is a goal, an act, and an end.
I could really use a beer.
