Ithamar's Magic Nekkid Circus


so i've been going to church lately.
i suppose the fact that i'm getting paid to do it should mean something.

at any rate, they're nice people. presbyterian. liberal yet religious. fun times.
they say that you shouldn''t murder others in any way, by word or deed.

while that's a nice sentiment, i'm afraid i'm going to have top put it aside for the next few minutes.

fuck you, george, for sending sons and daughters and fathers and mothers and sisters and brothers and uncles and aunties to die for an impossible dream.

no, democracy is not an impossible dream, but democracy is impossible for people who refuse to change their opinions even after new facts are brought forth.

such as:

radicalism doesn't work. it creates hostile emotions and actions because there will never exist a time when everyone believes the same ideas.

fundmentalism doesn't work: it leaves you and yours behind while those who are progressive in belief and action are ushered into a constantly beautiful, evolving new world where less ill die for lack of care and hey, eveyone gets to eat. every day.

militarism doesn't work: because basing an entire society on one aspect of human nature is too narrowing.even the spartans fell. besides, the human person is too complex of mind and body to be limited to serving one specific ideal.



so fuck you, george, for cutting things like education and the arts and health care and soup kitchens and leaving happy potentially heavy tax paying fags in the dust.




what is happiness to you?




long ago life was interesting and fun and sex and love were in the air.

now it is mundane and boring and banal. there is little love. mostly fighting. because opinions won't change even though new facts are brought forth.




you fucking cocksucking asshole. you want to drug me because it makes you feel better?! you want me to be in some kind of constant sillied euphoria when the drugs don't even work?! have you ever considered that it might not be the lack to fucking zoloft that makes me miserable?



what if it's us?

what if it's me?

i suppose i should join the crowd in saying that "I" is the last word anyone should ever remove from a piece of art or literature or music.

is it that KERA thinks that senior high school students can't explain "I"?

i wish that i could go back and do it all over. go to school, treat him well, love my folks, commit to something.



but if wishes were fishes we'd all cast nets.


i stole a piece of cake last night. am i a bastard?


i wish i could've given you what you wanted. hopefully someday you'll read this and think of me. maybe not. remember that it was never something i truly actively did. it came upon me, and you were there, and i tried so hard not to push you away. but i did, and that's all right, because maybe i'll have actually learned my lesson.



who am i fucking kidding? you'll never even read this. and even if you do you'll just say that it means nothing. or worse, you'll say nothing at all.













do something. go beyond me. and this. and i am sorry.