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The sum of what we say at any given time is only equivalent to what will make us feel better at that time. Nothing more.
Why is it that the people I actually give half a shit about are leaving me or are busy leading lame lives and the people I try to avoid intrude on my life at every inopportunity?
Oh, bell.
Most of the people who need to won't read this. They're busy. The others just won't care.
"Answering the Question"
My mother is on a religious retreat.
It reminds me of one Christmas at an aunts house in Tennessee. I was so happy to get my dinner because it was very elaborate and I had saved my hunger up just for it. Unbeknownst to me my aunt had baked slips of paper with quotes from the bible into the bread. Apparently, everyone except me was aware of this. With my mouth watering, I bit into the bread... and almost choked on the word of God.
How ironic is that?
***Thank God for pain killers.
***Stay the course.
***I suppose the only thing left for me is to become wealthy and exact revenge on Everyone.
***3040 lousy hits? Come on, we've got to do better than this people.
***Now you all have to pay.
Oh, bell.
"Roller Skates on the Information Super Highway"
Why is it everyone in the free world can download shit except me. Everyone else can download away on their 56k connections and what not but the Devil himself takes an active interest in ruining any download of any size I try. Fuck, why can't just one thing not suck for me?
Why God?
***Getting drunk alone again... Oh, boy.
***Real men drink until their hearts stop.
"Shoot me." I say this at least once a day... and mean it.
Mike, you're lame. Why don't you go hang out with Tabor?
"Well, I sure fucked that up nicely."
"Codependant"
I feel like such a let down to my family. My Uncle didn't live to see me successful. Failure. My mom worries about me. My dad... God help him too. Ah fuck.
Whoe is me. Don't pity me. It will only spurn me on.
I'm sure you really care. Right.
And so it begins, just as melancholy as I expected.
Choice. Choose. Chosen.
It's all relative, you see.
I'm ready for this to stop.
Ha. How uninspired.
Maybe quiet lonliness is exactly what I need to straighten myself out. One way or another... Things will be different.
I'll drink one for you guys some night.
"winter's lonely vigil has begun..."
