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I think I need... something. Now, more than ever.
Frank Sinatra didn't make a living by rolling over for punks on the strip and neither will I.
"See me, hear me, but don't touch me; You should fear me."
- Everlast, "So Long"
The only thing that mixes better than alcohol and firearms is alcohol and pills.
I hate myself for liking you.
Drunk, and watching television all night. My life is truely empty.
Barry Egan: I'm lookin' at your face and I just wanna smash it. I just wanna fuckin' smash it with a sledgehammer and squeeze it. You're so pretty.
Lena Leonard: I want to chew your face, and I want to scoop out your eyes and I want to eat them and chew them and suck on them.
Pause
Barry Egan: OK. This is funny. This is nice.
From "Punch-Drunk Love"
Some of the best moments in Justice can be attained through the generous use of a tire iron.
I long to drive far away, cut all connections, and start from scratch.
3.0 Semester GPA. 2.022 Cumulative GPA. This is a good thing to me.
"These Times that Try Men..."
Says he in a drunken slur, "If anything ever happens to me, take care of her..."
Thinking about taking a life tonight I realized that perhaps things have wondered a bit far in my mind.
Don't ask questions. Just let it ride.
No, I'm not all right.
At least she was right about that.
"When I try to get through, on the telephone to you; They'll be nobody home."
- Pink Floyd, from The Wall
"I know you want what's on my mind."
- Stone Temple Pilots, "Sex Type Thing"
Random Obsenity #57.
I'm not bitter...?
Oh, Lord. Who can save me now?
Pretentious(pre-ten-shus)
I'm afraid that's a breach of contract.. We're going to have to take your heart now.
please excuse the inconveinence
Tonight I almost could cry.
...
Still couldn't though.
Somtimes, to feel is too much.
I guess I'm really just tired. Tired of what it takes to make it anymore. Tired of peoples' ugliness to one another. Tired of trying so hard and having nothing to show for it. Going so long and doing so much for nothing.
I guess that's it really.
How very uninspired.
She's beautiful, single, and clever... Of course she's not interested in me. Only whores, idiots, crazy persons, and the very involved like me. It's just that fucking simple.
Fuck Guns and Roses. A bunch of useless bitches. If I held their last albumn in my hand I'd do the fucking world a favor and commit it to flames.
Women speak of love a lot, but I don't ever see it.
Five shots of wild turkey, four bud lites, and two cranberry zimma's later I make it to the house wondering...
"Nod"
There's nothing quite like being gone out of one's mind on pain killers whilst listening to the artful beauty of Mozart's Moonlight Sonata.
Sleep has eluded me due to pain. I think now that it won't be a problem.
I have aquired more than a simple affinity for opiates(hydrocodoneDarvonUltramCodeineLorcetLortabOxycodoneMorphine) and, for what it's worth, I wish I hadn't... I guess.
I'm so tired of your bitching and your nonsense; Your womanness. Call me crazy but I for one hope to never hear from you again. You're crazy no matter what all the hype is. Fuck off.
Titus and Sue: The reason I make more at this go-nowhere job is because I'm not stupid and lazy. Take that as a hint. And stop looking at my check stubs illegally.
Oh, and you may want to try bathing, as well.
"Smiles All Around"
As you may have noticed: I, too, have decided that I should be more honest; To my own detriment I'm sure. But, fuck you anyway, and the horse you fucked in on. The whole lot of you worthless fucks. And that's you, reading this right now. Fuck yourself. And I don't mean that jovial, happy-go-lucky, laughing, go fuck yourself. I mean that stick-a-large-object-in-your-stupid-useless-ass go fuck yourself. Because, I don't like you and I want you to hurt.
Yes, I'm angry. Fuck you for noticing. Could you make a more astute diagnosis for me? Probably not. Go do something that doesn't let twelve people down. Do something usefull. Fuck, shoot yourlself if that's what it takes.
I wait longly for this semester to end so I make real money and begin ruling this country with this rest of us fat, white, male pricks and really make a real dent in your worthless lives.
All hail the evil white man, and fuck you stupid, idealistic, worthless, jerk-offs too. And your art, your anarchy, your ideals, and all that bullshit.
I was once idealistic too. I grew up.
I'm judge, jury, and executioner. It's just that, soon, it's all legal.
I guess the real problem is that I have a chemical imbalance. Sometimes or most of the time I don't think I'm "enough". So I over-compensate. I want a decent girl in my life and have scared most of the decent ones off. My family was never really close and I really don't like who I am physically. Oh-fucking-well. Sad, poor me, right? There are worse things out there, I know. I honestly feel for those people. But not a whole lot. You see, sometimes I'm sure I'm a sociopath too. Because I can know you for years and not miss you ten years later after an abrupt cut in communication. Maybe that's one of those defense mechanisms. I, for one, don't know and don't really care at this point. Should I get help? Probably. Have I been to a professional. Yes. Will I go back? Probably not. I'm going to keep drugging and alcoholing myself, and all the while I'm going to make my shady and legal money. And, when it's all said and done, I'm going to be perfectly content to sit in my nice appartment or house with it at 65 degrees, doing bad things to myself, some girl, or both, maybe see one of the two or three people in this world (outside family) that's death would actually bother me, drink my bourbon, take my pills, smoke my shit, make my money, and damn everything else.
I just thought that you fucks should know where we stand.
God, please forgive me for who I have become and watch over all those I care about.
Bet you didn't see that one coming.
Amen. For ever and ever, Amen.
