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Sometimes I think about seeing a prostitute, just for the honesty.
"There's a bluebird in the window; I can't hear the songs he sings."
-Beck, "Guess I'm Doing Fine" from Sea Change
Fuck.
"Lesser of Two"
So now I must decide to either be miserable or be miserable. Pretty tough call.
This is the sort of contemplation that I can only due drugged due to its considerable negativity.
Either way will suck.
You get away with a lot more shit than I let other people get away with.
I wonder if this one is as hard for you folks out there to read as it is for me to write.
I kind of doubt it.
"They Call Me Superman"
So, there is the unsettling fact that everywhere I go lately either something breaks(computers, cars, restrooms etc.), the power goes out, or someone lame makes their presence known or is present.
Call me fucking crazy, but I'd like to have a day where lame shit didn't constantly plague me and I acually get some of the shit I want.
I don't think I'm asking too much here. I really don't.
Fuck.
"I see a red door and I want it painted black."
"I see the girls walk by dressed in their summer clothes; I have to turn my head until my darkness goes."
-Rolling Stones, "Paint It Black"
I though better of the line I was going to put here. This is its replacement.
It's not that one is empty more than subjected to some situations that remind one of the futility in everything.
I must be stupid.
I must get past this.
I must decide.
Life is dumb.
I would like to say a belated thanks to Gene Rodennberry for making something that eases a troubled soul.
The same goes for those in the intoxicant production and sales industry.
Everything was so much easier when I was just a jerk.
Neither one of my professors had English as his first language. Or at least that's the way it sounds. Fuck.
I'm thinking about becoming the 5-0. How fucked up is that?
"When you gonna make up your mind? When you gonna love you as much as I do?"
-Tori Amos, "Winter"
Real men don't cry; They let all the pain and misery collect and ball it up into the little cold, black spot where the heart is typically located in human anatomy.
You don't get it at all, do you?
I hurt so bad mentally that it physically pains me.
Do you give a shit? Probably not.
"It's nothing that I haven't seen before."
"But it still kills me like it did before."
-Beck, "End of the Day" from Sea Change
I pretty sure that I've forgotten how to cry. Otherwise I'm sure I would.
Just never good enough. In any time.
Dave Navarro said it best.
Not reassuring: A nursing student smoking while the other rolls her back pack in a wheel chair.
I realized I have problems when, the other day, I saw the white trail of a jet in the sky. The way it was situated on the horizon it looked as if it was heading toward earth(ie. the ground). It was at that point I almost hoped it was a nuke and I started to play out the scenario of chaos and destruction in my head.
I'm fairly sure in the event of an apocalypse my final moments on Earth would be destructive ones.
I have resolved myself to a life of bitter lonliness. That's really not as bad as it sounds, considering.
I guess someone got laid.
I love to smoke.
"Constant Reminder"
I'm sick of seeing my lessers get what they want.
Never make stupid decisions based on emotion. There are people out there who will tell you to "follow your heart".
They're fucking idiots.
You see, your heart and genitals are much closer together than your brain and genitals are. This means that, invariably, the reproductive system in its evolved splendor will be doing the work and decision making is impaired.(ie. Dumb shit happens) This also puts the heart closer to the ass, as well. Listen to your brain(unless you are stupid, in which case you are truely fucked).
So remember folks, take it from this poor fool:
When you listen to your heart all you get is shit.
Once I unleash my frustration all will know my wrath.
Here I am, talking to myself again, pretending that people come here and read this shit.
I ate twice and shit three times today. This seems like it might be a bad thing.
Sometimes, when things seem to be at their worst, you have to make a decision:
It's either laugh or cry...
And I can't seem to cry.
