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"The Most Wretched Thing Ever Written"
I have felt a wave of meaninglessness wash over me completely very recently. Sometime between afternoon and evening I wake up and know that it won't be any better until I go back to sleep(banning any strange chemical help).
Everyday, another good person gives it all away for all the wrong reasons....And yes, in the end we're all dead people. That doesn't put much of a damper on things does it?
I miss three things the most: My Uncle, my dog, and my youth.I guess, in the end, everyone has their price. I think the problem is that most people's are too cheap.
My Dear, I never realized before now that you was like a hurricane: A devestating mess that fucked my life up for quite a while.I think I once said that people are inherently good.
*** And, perhaps, the most disturbing part is when she said "yes".
*** I can not pretend to be happy, just for you, all of the time.
God son of monkey balled bastardized son of a Nicaraguan whore, douche bag piece of monkey nut trash!!! ...Been waiting a while to get that one out.
*** Why can't I have one decent night?
*** How sad is it that all night I looked forward to getting hammered and surfing my favorite porn site?
*** I want to hide from everybody.
"Sometimes She Lies Worse Than Usual"
I fucking hate the telephone.
Everybody wants to think that they're so deep. I think we're all just big, angry teenagers. Really. That's not necessarily a bad thing though.
I can't believe we're talking again. If I were someone else I'd hit me for even thinking about it. That's why I'm glad that drugs are the ultimate mute button.
My Uncle used to tell me he was proud of me.
For what?
I miss him. And my Aunt.
I hated God for a few brief moments that night my uncle passed. Is that bad? I'm still not sure we're on good terms yet either.
I can't believe I still miss her sometimes.
I can't believe God would take such good people away.
I can't believe I'm such a let down
I can't believe this is it.
Shock. Abuse. Failure. Spiral...
*** I'd be lying if I said I'd never do it again.
I wish that I could touch someone's soul.
*** "You can't turn a hoe into a housewife."
Good to the last drop.
All American.
Bold and Beautiful.
Betsy, you are such a fucking let down. I now want to vomit out of my rectum into a sixteen ounce styrofoam cup from Fastway #9 and send it to you fourth class mail with postage due for commiting not only the sin of letting me down, but letting down one of the few people left that can still take my bullshit despite how lame I am. Fuck you, whore.
*** "And for my next performance, I will stand on my head and balance spinning plates."
"Holiday"
So here I am sitting alone and unloved because the Universe is obviously against me. I love it when the Universe wages war against me personally. That's the greatest.
Oh yes, I'm bitter.
I get a vacation and all of a sudden everyone that I actually want to be around is busy working or out of town. My family is around more than usual, though. I'm getting in contact with someone of long ago and I'm not sure that I'm making the right decisions. I'm wondering whether I'll be a cancer jockey at a stop and rob for the rest of my life or if I'll get my shit together.
I love it when everything's awefull. That's the best.
I wonder if i'll always be this much of a let down.
